amplificathon | My Safety Pods (aka Podfic: Better Than Prozac)

NOTE: I know I am several hours late with this. >.> ...it's still the 23rd somewhere in the world? Maybe? SORRY GUYS! XD

For those not familiar with the term, "safety tab fic" (a phrase coined by

thefourthvine, I believe) is that favorite, feel-good comfort fic that you keep up in a tab when you're reading other fic, just in case you come across something in your new fic that is upsetting in some way. Wait, John is DEAD in this fic?! Dief got shot?! Dean is evil and doesn't recognize Sam?! No problem, just click over to your SAFETY TAB FIC, and BAM! Everything is right again.

While this is a great idea for sitting at a computer, READING fic, that's not how I listen to podfic. I listen to podfic when I am out and about, going about my day.

However, this gives podfic an advantage: unlike a computer and internet access, I always have DAYS worth of it just sitting in pocket, waiting to be whipped out at any time. Therefore, podfic can be used as "safety tab fic" for real life! You fell down and hurt your wrist? SAFETY POD! Your boss reamed you out for something totally unfair? SAFETY POD! Your favorite flavor of cream cheese is being discontinued? Yep, it's SAFETY POD TIME!

So, here are some of my favorite safety pods, helpfully sorted into level-of-emotional-emergency!

The grocery store was out of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Odd Jobs (written by

brownbetty &

emeraldwoman, read by

aphelant) [Leverage, Parker/Hardison & Parker/Hardison/Elliot]

This podfic is just FUN. Listening to Parker's faily wooing attempts, Elliot's "I should be getting paid for this shit" attitude, Hardison's bemusement,

aphelant's great voices for all of them, and later all of the awesome threesome-domestic-bliss-YAY never fails to bring a smile to my face. This one is a favorite of mine for when I'm having a shitty day at work, and can sneak into the mop closet to listen for a few minutes.

Your pet hermit crab died.

Visiting Hours (written by

rageprufrock, read by

2naonh3_cl2) [Smallville, Clark/Lex & OMC (kinda)/OMC]

Now this one is kind of a depressing fic to have as a Safety Pod, I know, but this is one where my "happy place" is a section of the fic/pod--in this case, the very beginning and the very end. The beginning has one of my favorite scene from any fic EVER--Lois and Connor watching Queer as Folk on her bed while he does her nails and complains about stupid boys--and the end has a bittersweet but satisfying conclusion that, on shitty days, simultaneously gives me a feeling of "it could be worse" and "but it'll get better".

2naonh3_cl2 has a wonderful narration throughout that always seems to fit the tone of the scene, and fades into the background to let you focus on the words she's reading a thoroughly satisfying way.

You spilled pomegranate juice all over your dry-clean-only skirt.

Chash's SPN/Bones Crossover Series (written by

longsufferingly, read by

lunchy_munchy) [Supernatural/Bones, Sam/Dean & Sweets/Cas & Booth/Brennan]

This is a series which generally has the side-effect of making me grin like a LOON, so I try to limit my use of this Safety Pod to non-work hours. Sometimes I just can't help myself, though--I dare any of ya'll to listen to Cas getting Fandom Wanked and NOT laugh out loud. (This actually almost got me in trouble once. I was having a shitty shift with a hated manager, and was listening to this while taking out trash to cheer myself up. I came back into the building to find said manager looking at me, going, "Why are you laughing?" I told her I "uh, just remembered something funny, nothing" while hastily hiding my headphones.) Lunchee's reading of this is amazing as usual, and her Cas is just...YES.

You drunk-dialed the ex and told him you were "never gunna give [him] up".

Teaching the Indie Kids to Joust Again & Epilogue (written by

bookshop with epilogue by

suaine, read by

dreaming_athena) [Merlin RPF, Colin/Bradley]

Oh, this one is just pure joy. A sure-fire pick-me-up, this one was once used in between bouts of vomiting when I was sick one day, and totally kept my spirits up. The fic itself is made of things that just hit ALLLLL my buttons, and

dreaming_athena's reading is clear and easy to listen to. The epilogue, especially, is handy for a quick, five minute drive-by happy-maker. It always leaves me going :DDDDD

Your DVDs got left in the sun. They all melted.

A Beautiful Lifetime Event (written by

astolat, read by

general_jinjur) [Stargate Atlantis, John/Rodney]

This one is kind of epic, and draws me in EVERY. DAMN. TIME. I start listening (for which I entirely blame

general_jinjur), so I generally reserve it for long, extended "need cheering up" periods. (Hint: it works every time.)

Your laptop broke. You can't afford to fix it for another three weeks.

Ordinary Life (written by

astolat &

cesperanza, read by

zoetrope) [Stargate Atlantis, John/Rodney]

I find

zoetrope's voice to be EXTREMELY soothing, and this fic is like everything I love wrapped in a bundle of joy. This puppy has helped me through unpacking, shitty days at work, extreme insomnia...basically anything and EVERYTHING. The reader's notes at the end also never fail to bring a grin to my face (nipple cheesing!). I also tend to find this one especially comforting in the winter time, when the whole "vacation in a delightfully warm, sunny place" aspect is an added bonus.

If that project isn't in the boss's hands in six hours, you're fired. (You haven't started.)

I've Got Nothing To Do Today But Smile (The Only Living Boy in New York) (written by

gyzym, read by

pennyplainknits) [Inception, Arthur/Eames]

To give you an idea of the power of this fic, here's what happened to me on the day I first listened to this pod:
(1) I was woken up at 9 AM (which, with my sleep cycle, is like roughly 4 AM to a normal person), to
(2) mediate between my divorced parents
(2A) regarding, of all things, DOG CARE.
(3) While mediation is ongoing (all through me, because apparently they cannot call each other), I have to drag myself out of bed at previously mentioned ungodly hour and drive all the way to my mom's house, to make sure previously mentioned dog does not have an accident in the house or die of starvation.
(4) While at my mom's house letting out the dog, I get a call from my sister, saying I HAVE to come pick her up, it is an emergency! She promises she will give me breakfast if I come! So
(5) I rush all the way across town to my dad's house, where
(6) my sister shoves a single-serving yogurt into my hands and says thanks, she REALLY *needs* to get to Sephora at MoA, she is running low on her favorite lip shimmer and oh, yeah, she has to be at school by 1. After much glaring, I
(7) drive her all the way out the The Mall, and wait for her to finish at the makeup store.
(8) After a not-so-quick trip down to H&M (with pit stop at DSW), I head back into the Cities to get her to school. When we finally get to her school downtown, I drop her off, and am about to pull away from the curb when
(9) an annoying old (ill-advised) hook-up walks past, stops, recognizes me in my car, and comes up to the window and says hi, do I want to hang out?
(10) Floundering around for an excuse, I say sorry, I have to go take care of my mom's dog, and hastily pull away. As I'm pulling away,
(11) I actually DO get a call about the dog, saying yeah, alright, I guess we (my dad and stepmom) CAN take the dog, can you go drop him off? So I have to drive
(11A) back to my mom's house, pick up the dog and his accessories, and then
(11B) all the way BACK across town AGAIN (the second time that day) to my dad's house, where the dog is dropped off, by which time I have to get to work, and so
(11C) I have to drive all the way across town again to my work, which was five minutes away from my mom's house to begin with.
(12) I get to work, have my second meal of the day (after the yogurt) of Cheeze-Its out of my locker,
(13) field a last call from my nervous mother, assuring her that YES, the dog situation has been handled, and then
(14) have a five hour shift on my feet with my least favorite manager.

Can you guess what I did when I got home after work?

...If you said "collapse on the couch, smiling", then congrats, you're right! Because all day, in-between bickering parents, diva sisters, annoying exes, evil managers, and a ridiculous amount of gas-wasting? I was listening to Penny's calming voice tell me about Arthur's stress-baking and Eames's magical lattes. And the amount of joy from this podfic? Was roughly equal to/slightly more than the amount of ire caused by ALL OF THE ABOVE EVENTS COMBINED, causing the day to be roughly an emotional wash.

I think that kind of speaks for itself.

You got evicted, your spouse left, and he took the dog.

The Student Prince (Chapter 33-End) (written & read by

pandarus) [Merlin, Arthur/Merlin]

I have expounded upon the wonders of this podfic before, but it bears repeating. Now, I should disclaim here: for all five of you not familiar with this podfic? It is LONG. I mean, all of the podfics in this post are long, but with all three parts together, from beginning to end, this one's a little over 15 HOURS. And obviously, every time I'm having a crap day, I'm not going to drop everything and listen to a single podfic for the majority of an entire day (even if I DO love the whole thing lots). So what do I do? I listen to my favorite *part* of the epically long podfic. Which in this case is Chapter 33 to the end (or, in case of a time crunch, just Chapter 33).

Seriously, you guys, this one is my IRONCLAD Safety Pod. It is GOING to cheer me up, GUARANTEED! To reiterate the power of this fic, as told in the above-linked post:

I look up at the clock, and realize holy shit it is the morning and I have to move my fucking car for the fucking snow emergency. (Insert obligatory "fuck you Minnesota" here.) At this point, you guys, I am looking at my half-packed apartment and finally really realize "oh fuck I am NOT GOING TO MAKE IT. FUCK." And I proceed to freak the fuck out just a little bit. There may have been hyperventilating.

So I turn to a guaranteed comfort-fic: Chapter 33 of The Student Prince (Part 3) (aka Arthur's Christmas Day Speech; for those uber-curious, it's timestamp 3:21:33-~~4:04:55~~ 3:48:18). Seriously you guys, picture this: I am walking to my car over all the snow, freaking out, trying to let pandarus's dulcet tones soothe my fraying nerves. At this point, I've been up for close to 24 hours, am running on caffeine and stimulants, and don't know how the fuck I'm going to be totally moved in 36 hours. And then, of fucking COURSE, because this is my life, I slip on the snow and go down hard on my leg.

And I just sit there for a minute or two, thinking "why is LIFE" and "FML", and then I listen to pandarus-as-Arthur come out on national television, and I go, "self, you can DO THIS. Be strong like Arthur! YOU CAN DO IT! *mental fistpump*" So I get up, and I limp over to my car, and I drive over my dad's house to unload the boxes to go in storage that I had loaded several hours ago (but what seems like DAYS ago).

The context on this, for those unfamiliar with the original post, was that I was moving, and when I tripped and fell, that was basically the lowest of the low points on one of the most stressful days of my entire life (no, that is not actually an exaggeration--it was bad move). And this podfic got me through it. Can you GET much more of a ringing endorsement than that?!

ETA: omg FAIL, have now added fandoms & ships. *facepalm*

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