as green as a fresh pickled toad [written by LullabyKnell; read by Opalsong]

[opalsong]

Link: Series Podbook (1-20) [3:45:34; 106.6MB]
Series Archive link: Here



Title: Seventh-Year will put Your Name in GOF for a Sickle
Author: LullabyKnell
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Gen
Rating: General Audiences
Length: 7:15
Size: 5.6MB
Music: Prologue by John Williams
Cover: Opalsong
Summary: You’re a first-year who can’t cast Wingardium Leviosa yet? Whatever, sure, just pay up. There’s no way your going to be chosen against Angelina “Can Probably Crush You With Her Thighs” Johnson, but at least you can tell all your eleven-year-old buddies that you Did A Cool Thing.

Part 1 of as green as a fresh pickled toad series

Link: MP3

Audiofic Archive link: Here



Title: Hagrid Takes the Fall for Harry
Author: LullabyKnell
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Gen
Rating: General Audiences
Length: 5:36
Size: 4.3MB
Music: Prologue by John Williams
Cover: Opalsong
Summary: Hagrid declares Harry’s innocence and proceeds to say, “And I’d be prepared to swear in front of the Ministry of Magic-”

Dumbledore cuts him off before he can go any further, but it got me thinking.

Swear what?

Part 2 of as green as a fresh pickled toad series

Link: MP3

Audiofic Archive link: Here



Title: Hogwarts Houses as Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Author: LullabyKnell
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Gen
Rating: General Audiences
Length: 5:08
Size: 4.0MB
Music: Prologue by John Williams
Cover: Opalsong
Summary: War, yes, War suits Gryffindor well.

Part 3 of as green as a fresh pickled toad series

Link: MP3

Audiofic Archive link: Here



Title: Inferi Regulus Black
Author: LullabyKnell
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Teen
Rating: General Audiences
Length: 5:24
Size: 4.2MB
Music: Prologue by John Williams
Cover: Opalsong
Summary: The hair was dark. And fairly long. And probably belonged to a relatively young corpse.

Part 4 of as green as a fresh pickled toad series

Link: MP3

Audiofic Archive link: Here



Title: Do you know how hard it is to herd Ravenclaws?
Author: LullabyKnell
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Gen
Rating: General Audiences
Length: 8:47
Size: 6.8MB
Music: Prologue by John Williams
Cover: Opalsong
Summary: And then Su turns to her and goes, “Where DO Vanished objects go?”

Damn it all to hell, Lisa knows that look.

Part 5 of as green as a fresh pickled toad series

Link: MP3

Audiofic Archive link: Here



Title: The Greengrass Sisters
Author: LullabyKnell
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Draco/Astoria, Daphne/Tracy
Rating: Teen
Length: 21:33
Size: 16.9MB
Music: Prologue by John Williams
Cover: Opalsong
Summary: “You weren’t even my second choice for a spouse out of our house year,” Daphne says coldly, after at least fifteen minutes of wintery silence.
“Was your first choice Blaise?” Draco asks grimly, looking very like his mother as he downs a second glass of wine. Everybody’s first choice is Blaise; Blaise’s first choice is probably Blaise.

Part 6 of as green as a fresh pickled toad series

Link: MP3

Audiofic Archive link: Here



Title: The Goblet of Fire Is A Disaster
Author: LullabyKnell
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Gen
Rating: General Audiences
Length: 7:42
Size: 6.0MB
Music: Prologue by John Williams
Cover: Opalsong
Summary: An Addition to Ficlet-Ramble #1: Cue small, adorable, innocent first-year voice rising out of the crowd at the Champion Selection Ceremony: “Headmaster Dumbledore? Why is there black smoke coming out of it?”

Part 7 of as green as a fresh pickled toad series

Link: MP3

Audiofic Archive link: Here



Title: Potter Family speaking Parseltongue
Author: LullabyKnell
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Ginny/Harry
Rating: General Audiences
Length: 6:59
Size: 5.4MB
Music: Prologue by John Williams
Cover: Opalsong
Summary: But... do you know who also had a piece of Voldemort’s soul inside them and was speaking Parseltongue pretty regularly for a long period of time? Ginny. Ginny Weasley.

Part 8 of as green as a fresh pickled toad series

Link: MP3

Audiofic Archive link: Here



Title: Potterwatch: A Parenting Show
Author: LullabyKnell
Readers: Opalsong & Rhea314
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Harry/Ginny
Rating: General Audiences
Length: 7:39
Size: 5.6MB
Music: Prologue by John Williams
Cover: Opalsong
Summary: There’s a point to this, I swear, and that point is that everybody and their pet Kneazle probably knows a bunch of embarrassing stories about the Potter family, specifically the Potter kids.

Part 9 of as green as a fresh pickled toad series

Link: MP3

Audiofic Archive link: Here



Title: Things to Remember About Peter Pettigrew
Author: LullabyKnell
Readers: Opalsong & Rhea314
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Gen
Rating: Teen
Length: 8:06
Size: 5.8MB
Music: Prologue by John Williams
Cover: Opalsong
Summary: Things Peter Pettigrew did that I occasionally forget about (and am appropriately thrown for a loop by when I remember them) [also titled: Things to remember when discussing/writing Peter Pettigrew]:

Part 10 of as green as a fresh pickled toad series

Link: MP3

Audiofic Archive link: Here



Title: Remus Lupin, a Werewolf? Gasp! Who Knew?
Author: LullabyKnell
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Gen
Rating: Teen
Length: 12:41
Size: 9.8MB
Music: Prologue by John Williams
Cover: Opalsong
Summary: Specifically, I like to think that there was some upper year who figured it out because they paid really close attention in class. Like, not just “I have OWLs this year and I need to get good grades” close attention, but “Prof. Lupin is so nice and so funny and he has such a nice smile, and wow, I am really gay” close attention.

Part 11 of as green as a fresh pickled toad series

Link: MP3

Audiofic Archive link: Here



Title: Fantastic Beasts and How To Find Them
Author: LullabyKnell
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Gen
Rating: General Audiences
Length: 11:55
Size: 9.1MB
Music: Prologue by John Williams (+ background music from all over the place; mostly youtube)
Cover: Opalsong
Summary: Goodness gracious, where did people think magical blood came from in the first place? The term mudblood? And if you wanted to call a pure elf or fae a creature or a beast, then it was a good idea to dig your own grave first.

Part 12 of as green as a fresh pickled toad series

Link: MP3

Audiofic Archive link: Here



Title: Youtube/Vlogger AU: Harry's Impossible Video Diary
Author: LullabyKnell
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Ron/Hermione
Rating: General Audiences
Length: 10:33
Size: 14.8MB
Music: Prologue by John Williams
Cover: Opalsong
Summary: Complete crack for a 5+ headcanons about an AU ask game. (What it says on the tin)

Part 13 of as green as a fresh pickled toad series

Link: MP3

Audiofic Archive link: Here



Title: Harry the Hufflepuff
Author: LullabyKnell
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Harry/Cedric (one-sided)
Rating: Teen
Length: 26:44
Size: 20.7MB
Music: Prologue by John Williams
Cover: Opalsong
Summary: This is for the 5+ Headcanons game. Where someone called for “hp resorted”. Harry is a Hufflepuff and this is nothing but fluff.

Part 14 of as green as a fresh pickled toad series

Link: MP3

Audiofic Archive link: Here



Title: Hogwarts Profs Entering the Triwizard Tournament
Author: LullabyKnell
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Gen
Rating: General Audiences
Length: 9:30
Size: 7.1MB
Music: Prologue by John Williams
Cover: Opalsong
Summary: One of my favorite things to think about is how the Hogwarts professors would probably try to subtly discourage their students from entering in the Triwizard Tournament. Like, yes, I know it sounds exciting, but it’s very dangerous and you’ve got your NEWTs to concentrate on.

Except they’re pretty much all total hypocrites. It’s hilarious to think about. If they had the same opportunity... well...

Part 15 of as green as a fresh pickled toad series

Link: MP3

Audiofic Archive link: Here



Title: A Different Sort of Sorting
Author: LullabyKnell
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Harry/Draco
Rating: Teen
Length: 28:52
Size: 39.9MB
Music: Prologue by John Williams
Cover: Opalsong
Summary: And then the Sorting Hat sends an Avery off to Gryffindor and an Abbott off to Ravenclaw, despite the families’ respective long and prestigious histories in Slytherin and Hufflepuff. What the actual fuck is happening, no one says aloud, as a Bulstrode goes off to Hufflepuff and a Longbottom cousin goes into Slytherin.

Part 16 of as green as a fresh pickled toad series

Link: MP3

Audiofic Archive link: Here


Title: Cedric and Luna in the Different Sorting AU
Author: LullabyKnell
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Ginny/Luna
Rating: Teen
Length: 13:35
Size: 19.0MB
Music: Prologue by John Williams
Cover: Opalsong
Summary: Please imagine, since the two of them are in the same year and now the same house, Colin Creevey and Luna Lovegood being good friends.

Part 17 of as green as a fresh pickled toad series

Link: MP3

Audiofic Archive link: Here



Title: Hufflepuff!Harry being entered into the Triwizard Tournament
Author: LullabyKnell
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Gen
Rating: General Audiences
Length: 6:53
Size: 5.3MB
Music: Prologue by John Williams
Cover: Opalsong
Summary: There would just be the added element of the wizarding world in turmoil bc everyone wants to know if Sirius Black is really innocent (Harry Potter says so and Fudge is a loser) and everybody’s on the lookout for Peter Petergrew or a rat missing a toe.

Part 18 of as green as a fresh pickled toad series

Link: MP3

Audiofic Archive link: Here



Title: Sirius/James/Lily Snippet-Draft
Author: LullabyKnell
Reader: Opalsong
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Sirius/James/Lily
Rating: Teen
Length: 8:54
Size: 6.8MB
Music: Prologue by John Williams
Cover: Opalsong
Summary: Everybody laughingly tells Lily that she’d “Better watch out, marrying James Potter is a two-for-one deal!”

Part 19 of as green as a fresh pickled toad series

Link: MP3

Audiofic Archive link: Here



Title: Hogwarts Founders Snippets
Author: LullabyKnell
Readers: Opalsong
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Gen
Rating: General Audiences
Length: 11:51
Size: 9.1MB
Music: Prologue by John Williams
Cover: Opalsong
Summary: “You just admitted you don’t know anything about Acromantulas,” another student, Garrick, points out. He doesn’t look scared, though, just excited and heavily armed, and that is why Garrick is her favourite. “Is this going to be anything like the Merfolk thing?”

Part 20 of as green as a fresh pickled toad series

Link: MP3

Audiofic Archive link: Here

Thanks to Yue_ix for the cover art beta!
Thanks to Paraka for hosting!!

cross posted at amplificathon, my journal, and AO3